When Help Isn’t Helpful
Whether we like it or not we all need help at some point(s) in life. Which is why it is also true that we will be called upon to provide that help to others along the way. We were created to be in community and share equally in its benefits. It appears simple to say this and yet navigating it in reality can be challenging. (Take it from me, a recovering helpaholic.) We can easily get off track, being in spaces and places that were not meant for us or conversely not being where we are called to be. Here are some examples of how help is not helpful:
We help without considering the recipient.
Imagine you are in need of groceries and someone offers to help by purchasing them for you. When they arrive with the groceries there are cans upon cans of sardines. They feel proud to have contributed to your expressed need. While the surface level action of getting groceries appeared helpful, unless you really like sardines, the end result left you in the same position you started. In Luke 11 Jesus reminds us that, like him, it makes sense to give to people according to what they actually need. This requires thinking less about helping to make us look helpful and more about the recipient of the help. (Phil. 2:3)
We help out of a sense of duty/ obligation.
This is a challenging one for those who may have a skewed notion of what it means to be a follower of Christ. We see Jesus time and time again helping people in the Bible. While He spiritually helped humanity by his death and resurrection, we do not see Him being frustrated at the inability to tangibly reach every person who needed help (which is everyone for those who haven’t caught on yet). Whoever and however He did help though, was not done out of obligation, but out of love. We are not obligated to help every person with every need that comes our way. (John 13:34)
When help prevents growth.
Imagine from childhood, a person being helped to do everything, every day, all day without them even necessarily asking for help. What would that person know how to do on their own or even have the confidence to attempt on their own? When we don’t give others the opportunity to help themselves we can end up enabling them or hindering natural growth. Just because we are able to help doesn’t mean we have to take on the task. Does the person even want help? Is there a way to help by teaching them instead of doing it all for them? Is the help you’re offering a short term fix or a long term solution?
When you don’t engage in help for yourself.
Sometimes, it is the case that we end up trying to help others so much because we are neglecting the need to help ourselves. When we are more desperate to help others than we are to help ourselves we fall in a dangerous trap. How do I give someone emotional support if I am not emotionally healthy? How can I give someone else $100 if I only have $50? The point is, it is impossible to give someone something you don’t have. However, we tend to “deny ourselves” in an unhealthy way in focusing on others, with the result often being more hurt than help for all involved.
So how do we know who/ what/ when/ where and how to help? As human beings we were all created with the same inherent character and value given to us by and in the likeness of God. Our desire to help, therefore, is a natural flow of who we are, not who we are required to be. Jesus’ strategy of helping those He tangibly encountered was knowing who He was. The best way to help others is to know yourself! The best way to know yourself is to ask God who created you! We have the ultimate helper in the Holy Spirit that lives within us! Jesus knew exactly who He was which allowed Him to help people by encouraging their growth, operating out of love and responding uniquely to each person. May we know Jesus, to know ourselves, so that our help may be helpful too.
- Katie Rivera
